It seems pretty widely accepted that when attempting to make a goal, you have more success when you are focused on the end result. Whether it be kicking a ball into a soccer goal, completing your education, or losing weight, if you are not paying attention to the desired end result, there is little hope for achieving your goal without divine intervention or remarkable luck (which I happen to think come from the same source, but we’ll talk about that later). So, as I move forward in this weight loss/fitness journey, I’ve found myself reflecting on my goal. What do I really want? So quickly, I fall into daydreams of being totally hot: thin and willowy, with delicately cut arms and shoulders, flat abs, and a rocking booty. I fantasize about what people will think about me if I look like that: words like stunning, badass, fitness queen, and gorgeous fill my head. Then I stop myself. What about words like kind, good, loving, smart, and happy? I suppose those words should be the first to enter my head, but they are not. Frankly, I shouldn’t be worried about what other people think of me, regardless of the words they use. That concept deserves its own post, and I anticipate it will come sooner than later!
I digress…back to setting goals:
So I’ve been thinking over the last several days about my history with setting goals regarding weight loss. It seems that when I pin my hopes on creating an “ideal body” per society’s standards, I am chasing an unattainable goal. I’ve looked through pictures of myself over the last 10 years. My weight and body type have fluctuated significantly, including my personal trainer/fitness instructor phase (the thinnest I’ve ever been as an adult, paired with the highest non-preggo body weight….there was a LOT of muscle involved there, people.), my pre- and post-wedding body (too stressed and busy to eat or workout, so I was thin, but weak and unfit), and the icing on the cake: 2 pregnancies and a miscarriage (Oh, the accompanying abdominal and back fat, not to mention the “comfort eating”…lovely.) The funny thing is, I remember looking at ALL of these pictures for the first time (while I still looked like that) and thinking… “ug, I’m soooo fat. I need to lose weight.” It didn’t matter if my body fat percentage was less than 20 or more than 30…I always thought I was fat.
SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!? What is up with that?
This is what I think: Society places an unattainable ideal in our heads from an early age. Look at the proportions of Disney princesses…realistic? Not so much. If Ariel’s waist had really been that small, there’s no way she could have held up her ample sea shells. And I’m not even going to start on what Photoshop and airbrushing have done for the proliferation of images of impossible bodily perfection. Daily, we are visually bombarded with these images, and they worm their way into our psyche as what our goals should be regarding our appearance. And I get sucked into it….Every. Time.
NO MORE.
So if I’m not going to look to external bodily perfection as my weight loss goal, what am I going to look to? After days of reflection, I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to aim for a life that is VIBRANT and full of VITALITY. I want a vibrant life, full of spirit and color. I want a life filled with laughter and tears and feelings that are really felt. I want the feeling of vitality, the feeling of that inner spark of energy that puts a spring in my step and a smile on my face. The feeling that helps me keep up with my young children, the ability to sit down on the floor and pop right back up in the event that we may need to avoid some dragons, or lions, or My Little Ponies run amok. The energy to play in the back yard all morning and the front yard all evening. So how do I get there? Tough question. And that is the question I seek to answer over the next several weeks. I know exercise is going to be a big part of the answer. Also, I have a feeling it has something to do with faith and accepting myself as God sees me, not as the world sees me. I am beginning to feel that it is my responsibility to be a good steward of my body as a sign of gratitude for the amazing gift from God that it is. I know that it is NOT my responsibility to make this gift conform to the worldly ideal of perfection for the benefit of my ego or to the fulfillment of my wish to be admired by others. That will lead to neither health, nor happiness. This shift in my thinking will lead to a shift in how I approach a significant body change like the one I am attempting (I hope).
What does good “bodily stewardship” look like? Can I figure it out? Will it lead to feelings of vitality and being vibrant? There’s only one way to find out…one day at a time.
Here we go, on a little adventure!
To be continued….
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