Sound Off

Hey beauties!

Share your experiences with the challenge listed in the post below!

Love and happy thoughts to you!

"Out" your Inner Dialogue

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. Psalm 139:13

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

Do you talk to yourself throughout the day? I know I do. My mind is always whirring with a constant stream of thoughts: analyzing what I am doing, planning ahead for the next activity or meal, organizing my thoughts for the next work day, or critiquing myself and others. Over the last few days I’ve made a point to listen to that inner dialogue, and, my friends, it’s not so pretty.

I found myself constantly comparing my performance or appearance to those around me. When I decided that my performance or appearance were less impressive than the person I was around, I felt miserable. I felt the heavy weights of embarrassment, disappointment, and shame on my heart. Yes, shame. Isn’t that terrible? Why should I be ashamed if I don’t measure up (on the worldly scale) to the person standing next to me? Don’t I appreciate diversity, individuality, and imperfection when I’m looking at other people? I don't expect my friends to look or be perfect; why the heck can’t I treat myself with the same grace and acceptance? This seems pretty screwy to me. And then on the other hand, if I decided that my performance or appearance ranked above the poor, unsuspecting soul with whom I was comparing myself, I felt a fleeting sensation of triumph followed immediately by a feeling of “well, that wasn’t very nice, and now I feel like crap.” So, long story short, regardless of how I measure up to the next person, I feel lousy if I play the comparison game. Awesome. Or not so much….so glad I’ve been playing this game as long as I can remember. Uh, maybe I should stop.

So after listening to a few days of this mental gauntlet, which snagged me and emotionally pummeled me more times than I would really like to admit, I decided to change it up. Initially, I started saying the things in my head out loud (not in public, of course, just quietly to myself in my home or car). And a funny thing happened. Either the comment was so ridiculous (e.g., I wish I looked like that petite 5’2” redhead who is probably 16 years old…clearly not EVER going to happen) that I laughed out loud, or so cruel and unkind that I couldn’t even finish the sentence (these were always directed at myself and often began with the statement, “ick.”)
Then, I was having a conversation with a friend who is also struggling with body image. As we were talking, it dawned on me that we shouldn’t say anything to ourselves that we wouldn’t say to another girl or woman that we truly care about. Think daughter, sister, mother, best friend. It’s important to be honest, yet kind. Instead of looking in the mirror and berating ourselves for not fulfilling the impossible ideal society presents to us (see my last post), what would happen if we acknowledged our individual beauty and worth? I believe that our worth never changes, and is impervious to any physical, emotional, or intellectual changes we may make. We are always worth it. We are always daughters of a loving creator who designed us in a specific way for a specific reason. We may change the package...but we don't change the essence of who we are. Our appearance and performance do NOT define us. As I try to replace the old messages of inadequacy and harsh judgment with messages of love and acceptance, I feel a huge weight lift off my heart. I’ll be honest: I still spend a lot of time in my old habit, being hyper-critical of myself and others. But when I make a point to be kinder to myself, I find it both challenging and refreshing. I also find myself recognizing beauty in others that I may not have seen before. Imagine this: a taebo gym with a wide variety of body types, from waifishly thin to super fit to average to a little chubby to significantly overweight, all working their little hearts out in a room surrounded by mirrors. Oh, and I forgot to mention the spandex. Lots and lots of spandex. Previously, I would check everyone out and take a quick inventory of skinny people and not skinny people, and I would attempt to figure out where I fit in the scheme of that. Now, I take a minute to look at the participants one by one in the mirrors and remind myself “She’s beautiful, just the way she is.” Then I look myself in the eye in the mirror, and I say “I’m beautiful, just the way I am.” Then I can focus on my workout and improving my health, rather than obsessing about what I think about my appearance or what others may think of it. And this feels amazing!

So here’s my challenge to you:

Take a few days to listen to your inner dialogue.

Is it kind and accepting? Do you speak to yourself as you would speak to a dear friend or a daughter? If you do, you are amazing and you should teach us all how to do that!

Or, do you play the comparison game? Then try the steps below and see how it feels.

1.       LISTEN. What are you saying about yourself? What are you saying about others?

2.       SAY IT OUT LOUD. How do your messages sound when you say them out loud? Would you say those messages to someone else’s face? Someone you really care about?

3.       COVER IT WITH LOVE. Change the messages to something you think you would say to a girl or woman you really care about. Or something that a loving Father and Creator would say to the daughter he created.

Then, if you feel so inclined, I would love for you to post a comment about your experience. This blog is going to get really boring really fast if I’m the only one posting!!! If you feel more comfortable, send me an email with your post and I will post it anonymously. The only requests I have for posting and reading are: that your posts be honest and respectful, to yourself and others, AND that if you find yourself in a place of despair, get professional help. Been there, done that. Sometimes it is the best step toward living a fuller life!

I will post a “Sound Off” entry….I would love for you all to share your experiences there!!

Eye on the Target

It seems pretty widely accepted that when attempting to make a goal, you have more success when you are focused on the end result. Whether it be kicking a ball into a soccer goal, completing your education, or losing weight, if you are not paying attention to the desired end result, there is little hope for achieving your goal without divine intervention or remarkable luck (which I happen to think come from the same source, but we’ll talk about that later). So, as I move forward in this weight loss/fitness journey, I’ve found myself reflecting on my goal. What do I really want? So quickly, I fall into daydreams of being totally hot: thin and willowy, with delicately cut arms and shoulders, flat abs, and a rocking booty. I fantasize about what people will think about me if I look like that: words like stunning, badass, fitness queen, and gorgeous fill my head. Then I stop myself. What about words like kind, good, loving, smart, and happy? I suppose those words should be the first to enter my head, but they are not. Frankly, I shouldn’t be worried about what other people think of me, regardless of the words they use. That concept deserves its own post, and I anticipate it will come sooner than later!

I digress…back to setting goals: 

So I’ve been thinking over the last several days about my history with setting goals regarding weight loss. It seems that when I pin my hopes on creating an “ideal body” per society’s standards, I am chasing an unattainable goal. I’ve looked through pictures of myself over the last 10 years. My weight and body type have fluctuated significantly, including my personal trainer/fitness instructor phase (the thinnest I’ve ever been as an adult, paired with the highest non-preggo body weight….there was a LOT of muscle involved there, people.), my pre- and post-wedding body (too stressed and busy to eat or workout, so I was thin, but weak and unfit), and the icing on the cake: 2 pregnancies and a miscarriage (Oh, the accompanying abdominal and back fat, not to mention the “comfort eating”…lovely.) The funny thing is, I remember looking at ALL of these pictures for the first time (while I still looked like that) and thinking… “ug, I’m soooo fat. I need to lose weight.” It didn’t matter if my body fat percentage was less than 20 or more than 30…I always thought I was fat.

SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!? What is up with that?

This is what I think: Society places an unattainable ideal in our heads from an early age. Look at the proportions of Disney princesses…realistic? Not so much. If Ariel’s waist had really been that small, there’s no way she could have held up her ample sea shells. And I’m not even going to start on what Photoshop and airbrushing have done for the proliferation of images of impossible bodily perfection. Daily, we are visually bombarded with these images, and they worm their way into our psyche as what our goals should be regarding our appearance. And I get sucked into it….Every. Time.

NO MORE.

So if I’m not going to look to external bodily perfection as my weight loss goal, what am I going to look to? After days of reflection, I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to aim for a life that is VIBRANT and full of VITALITY. I want a vibrant life, full of spirit and color. I want a life filled with laughter and tears and feelings that are really felt. I want the feeling of vitality, the feeling of that inner spark of energy that puts a spring in my step and a smile on my face. The feeling that helps me keep up with my young children, the ability to sit down on the floor and pop right back up in the event that we may need to avoid some dragons, or lions, or My Little Ponies run amok. The energy to play in the back yard all morning and the front yard all evening.  So how do I get there? Tough question. And that is the question I seek to answer over the next several weeks. I know exercise is going to be a big part of the answer. Also, I have a feeling it has something to do with faith and accepting myself as God sees me, not as the world sees me. I am beginning to feel that it is my responsibility to be a good steward of my body as a sign of gratitude for the amazing gift from God that it is. I know that it is NOT my responsibility to make this gift conform to the worldly ideal of perfection for the benefit of my ego or to the fulfillment of my wish to be admired by others. That will lead to neither health, nor happiness. This shift in my thinking will lead to a shift in how I approach a significant body change like the one I am attempting (I hope).

What does good “bodily stewardship” look like? Can I figure it out? Will it lead to feelings of vitality and being vibrant? There’s only one way to find out…one day at a time.

Here we go, on a little adventure!

To be continued….

Entering the Blogosphere

Welcome.

This is all new to me, so bear with me as I figure this new computer thingy out.

This is a blog about me. But it may also become a blog about you. I plan on posting my journey through losing my baby weight and regaining my fitness level. That may sound very narcissistic at first, and well frankly, isn't there a hint of narcissism in any blog? "Here's a website about ME!!! And here's my stream of consciousness. Ready?!?! GO!" But truly, I hope this blog takes on the nature of a forum where women feel safe enough to share their experiences with body image, good or bad. Nearly every woman I know, whether she be a size 2 or a size 22, has some misgivings about her appearance. And I say NO MORE! It's time to turn the focus on who we ARE, not what we look like...

And here's my disclaimer:
I am not a therapist. Well, not THAT kind, any way. If you are having any feelings of despair regarding how you look or how you are perceived by the world, go talk to a qualified mental health professional. They are very nice. They have wonderful things to say about you. They will help you. Trust me, I have probably spent enough time and money on "the couch" to have a counseling degree, but I do not actually have one. What I share here comes from my heart and is a fit for me, but may not be a fit for you. So again, I say, if you are feeling despair or depression, get it checked out. Life is worth living, and living to the fullest!

HOORAY for blogs!!