Monday, April 15, 2013
Prayers for Boston
I was just getting settled in to write a sassy little post when I heard of the tragedy at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. Needless to say, I got distracted. First, with ensuring that my friends who ran it today were okay. Praise God, they are fine. But still my heart aches for the loss, fear, and devastation caused by the blasts. I am praying for all of those who were involved in the race today: volunteers, runners, spectators, and law enforcement, not to mention their families. I pray that they determine who was responsible quickly, before any more damage is done. Finally, I pray that fear and evil will not triumph here, and that the stories of heroism and redemption will outshine the evil no doubt intended by the person (or people) who caused the blasts. I pray that the victims will feel God's love and presence in ways we cannot even begin to understand.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
REALITY ALERT! Body Image is not actually about your body.
huh?
But the word "body" is in the phrase.
When I looked it up in my college psychology book, there was a picture of a woman looking at her BODY. duh!
If you didn't have a BODY, you couldn't have BODY image.
Well, okay. All of these things are true. But here's the deal. Since I started thinking about this blog and planning ways to cleverly address the issue for all of posterity (Or, for my faithful friends who humor me by reading and commenting on my blog), my body has undergone several changes. When I started, I was toting around about 25 extra pounds after my second pregnancy. I was nursing, and I had only been exercising again for a few weeks. Then, thanks to super awesome workouts at my TaeBo gym (completely addicted, would recommend it to anyone whose knees can take it!) and an airtight eating plan from my hardcore hippie nutritionist (I LOVE Colorado!), I dropped 20 in a month or two. Whee Hoo! I should be extrememly confident now, right?!? After all, I now have a "healthy body fat percentage," plenty of energy, and I can do 120 minutes of exercise consecutively. I am HEALTHY, I am VITAL, I am all of the things I wished for in my first blog post.
SWEET!
Problem SOLVED!
Now I can blog about how awesome I am and share my wisdom with the Blog-iverse.
Oh, wait. I worried MORE about how FAT I was.
Now let's categorize the word FAT.
Technically, it is a measuable thing. It's not a perception. It's a substance, measured by its quanitity. Dr. Oz carries around a pound of it to show you what it looks like outside of your body. Yay! We actually need it. It helps our bodies work. It keeps our brains healthy. Of course, too much of it is UNhealthy, but looking at an objective measurement, I had a healthy number. But I was looking at fat as a PERCEPTION.
I PERCEIVED my appearance in the mirror as compared to other women--those I knew personally and those I saw in the media. If I was smaller than someone, my confidence soared. If I was bigger than someone, my confidence plummetted and I hammered away on that poor little delicate thing, my self esteem. And let's face it, I am 5'8" with German ancestry. Do you think I am smaller than most people? Uh, no. So imagine how much time I spent hammering. Hammer. Hammer. Hammer. Hammer.
"Ugh."
"Ick"
"Gross"
"Well, if I just suck in a little more, then I look like her."
EEEEEEERRRRRRRRRTTT! Slam on the brakes, sister!
Are these things I would say to someone's face. NO! Never! Then why am I saying them to my heart? OUCH.
It seemed that this was my philosophy on my journey to health and self-acceptance:
"Make yourself look like everyone else, whatever the cost, and then your body will be awesome and you will feel confident and accepting of yourself and everyone else. By trying to be like everyone else, you will find your true self."
Well, gee, THAT makes a TON of sense...NOT!! (90s flashback, who went with me?)
Then, I read this:
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
ooohhhhhhhhh....so it's NOT about my body? It's about my mind? And trusting in someone bigger and greater than me? Well, that's not the message I've heard my whole life.
And thus started the baby steps of redefining body image as an emotional phenomenon. I am sure someone smarter than me has written a book or a dissertation about this. But here I go, step by step as I discover this on my own. Wanna come too? You are most welcome to join me.
But the word "body" is in the phrase.
When I looked it up in my college psychology book, there was a picture of a woman looking at her BODY. duh!
If you didn't have a BODY, you couldn't have BODY image.
Well, okay. All of these things are true. But here's the deal. Since I started thinking about this blog and planning ways to cleverly address the issue for all of posterity (Or, for my faithful friends who humor me by reading and commenting on my blog), my body has undergone several changes. When I started, I was toting around about 25 extra pounds after my second pregnancy. I was nursing, and I had only been exercising again for a few weeks. Then, thanks to super awesome workouts at my TaeBo gym (completely addicted, would recommend it to anyone whose knees can take it!) and an airtight eating plan from my hardcore hippie nutritionist (I LOVE Colorado!), I dropped 20 in a month or two. Whee Hoo! I should be extrememly confident now, right?!? After all, I now have a "healthy body fat percentage," plenty of energy, and I can do 120 minutes of exercise consecutively. I am HEALTHY, I am VITAL, I am all of the things I wished for in my first blog post.
SWEET!
Problem SOLVED!
Now I can blog about how awesome I am and share my wisdom with the Blog-iverse.
Oh, wait. I worried MORE about how FAT I was.
Now let's categorize the word FAT.
Technically, it is a measuable thing. It's not a perception. It's a substance, measured by its quanitity. Dr. Oz carries around a pound of it to show you what it looks like outside of your body. Yay! We actually need it. It helps our bodies work. It keeps our brains healthy. Of course, too much of it is UNhealthy, but looking at an objective measurement, I had a healthy number. But I was looking at fat as a PERCEPTION.
I PERCEIVED my appearance in the mirror as compared to other women--those I knew personally and those I saw in the media. If I was smaller than someone, my confidence soared. If I was bigger than someone, my confidence plummetted and I hammered away on that poor little delicate thing, my self esteem. And let's face it, I am 5'8" with German ancestry. Do you think I am smaller than most people? Uh, no. So imagine how much time I spent hammering. Hammer. Hammer. Hammer. Hammer.
"Ugh."
"Ick"
"Gross"
"Well, if I just suck in a little more, then I look like her."
EEEEEEERRRRRRRRRTTT! Slam on the brakes, sister!
Are these things I would say to someone's face. NO! Never! Then why am I saying them to my heart? OUCH.
It seemed that this was my philosophy on my journey to health and self-acceptance:
"Make yourself look like everyone else, whatever the cost, and then your body will be awesome and you will feel confident and accepting of yourself and everyone else. By trying to be like everyone else, you will find your true self."
Well, gee, THAT makes a TON of sense...NOT!! (90s flashback, who went with me?)
Then, I read this:
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
ooohhhhhhhhh....so it's NOT about my body? It's about my mind? And trusting in someone bigger and greater than me? Well, that's not the message I've heard my whole life.
And thus started the baby steps of redefining body image as an emotional phenomenon. I am sure someone smarter than me has written a book or a dissertation about this. But here I go, step by step as I discover this on my own. Wanna come too? You are most welcome to join me.
uh, hi. remember me? yeah, it's been awhile. let's crank this puppy up again.
Hello, friends.
It's been awhile.
It's not you. It's me.
And my busy, crazy life.
And my seriously annoying perfectionist personality.
It is a very Caroline thing to charge into something full speed ahead, only to fizzle and fart shortly thereafter. Truly, I decided to take a break because I realized that my blogging time was actually my one-on-one time with my daughter and I found myself telling her, "Just a minute, Mommy is busy." uhoh. Priorities out of line, much? oops. So I told myself I would take a short break. Then I realized I hadn't blogged for a year. Then I was embarrassed that I had dropped the ball. Then I felt unworthy of blogging because, well, I hadn't gotten a handle on this whole body image thing. I still obsessed about my image and didn't feel like I should blog about it until I had the whole thing figured out and was completely above my weakness. I took notes for ideas for blog posts, but never sat down to hammer one out. Until today. Something has been triggered lately, and I finally feel like I have something to say about it. And that is.....I FAILED. But I'm okay. No, really. I am. (The people who know me best are raising their eyebrows right now, with the thought "prove it" tatooed across their brains!) I have found peace in my failure and a realization that this is not something I can do on my own. I am human. I make mistakes. I have a frequent attitude of pridefulness and a WHOPPER of an ego. I am limited to what I can imagine and what I can willpower (yes, I'm using it as a verb, more coming on that later) through. I realized that this issue comes from my upbringing, my social network, society as a whole, and the pervasive negativity, be it spritual, societal, or emotional, that nibbles around the corners of my little brain. Whoo! Put all of those things together and it's a bit much for little ol' me to conquer. But guess what?? There is something, someONE bigger than all of this. I started leaning on Him and things started to change. I am still very early in this process, and I know it will be a lifelong journey, so here goes....
It's been awhile.
It's not you. It's me.
And my busy, crazy life.
And my seriously annoying perfectionist personality.
It is a very Caroline thing to charge into something full speed ahead, only to fizzle and fart shortly thereafter. Truly, I decided to take a break because I realized that my blogging time was actually my one-on-one time with my daughter and I found myself telling her, "Just a minute, Mommy is busy." uhoh. Priorities out of line, much? oops. So I told myself I would take a short break. Then I realized I hadn't blogged for a year. Then I was embarrassed that I had dropped the ball. Then I felt unworthy of blogging because, well, I hadn't gotten a handle on this whole body image thing. I still obsessed about my image and didn't feel like I should blog about it until I had the whole thing figured out and was completely above my weakness. I took notes for ideas for blog posts, but never sat down to hammer one out. Until today. Something has been triggered lately, and I finally feel like I have something to say about it. And that is.....I FAILED. But I'm okay. No, really. I am. (The people who know me best are raising their eyebrows right now, with the thought "prove it" tatooed across their brains!) I have found peace in my failure and a realization that this is not something I can do on my own. I am human. I make mistakes. I have a frequent attitude of pridefulness and a WHOPPER of an ego. I am limited to what I can imagine and what I can willpower (yes, I'm using it as a verb, more coming on that later) through. I realized that this issue comes from my upbringing, my social network, society as a whole, and the pervasive negativity, be it spritual, societal, or emotional, that nibbles around the corners of my little brain. Whoo! Put all of those things together and it's a bit much for little ol' me to conquer. But guess what?? There is something, someONE bigger than all of this. I started leaning on Him and things started to change. I am still very early in this process, and I know it will be a lifelong journey, so here goes....
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